MOG and FOG to be: Being the parents of the groom


Cover of "Royal Wedding"

Cover of Royal Wedding

Wedding day for my first born son coming up this weekend. It’s been a learning curve being the Mother and Father of the Groom…or as I call it the MOG and FOG. I couldn’t be more happy or more excited but I would like to pass along a couple of things I learned along the way.

  • Little girls dream of their wedding and discuss it with their moms. Little boys don’t. So, you’ll be surprised.
  • When your kids are paying for the wedding, they get to make all the decisions. You get to pull out your credit card on occasion.
  • The bridal shower is a wonderful chance to meet the friends and family who helped make your future daughter the amazing person she is. Don’t spend all your time talking to people you already know.
  • You may love the bride to pieces (I do) but you are not her mom and you need to be sensitive to that role.
  • Your own wishes for the wedding and for their “happily ever after” take second place to theirs. Always.
  • Nobody cares what the MOG wears. My friends & colleagues keep asking me about my outfit, my jewelry etc. I’m not that into it. No one will look at me. All eyes will be on my beautiful daughter to be and son. However, I did splurge on a mani-pedi last night. For me!
  • In the same vein, stop agonizing about losing weight before the wedding. No one is gong to be looking at you. At least I hope not since my diet plan was a failure.
  • FOG generally doesn’t get to do much except walk his son down the aisle. Mine wrote a lovely speech,
  • You may feel incredible emotional surges during the months leading up to the wedding. This is a big transition and you are never ready for it.  Because you realize that on Wedding Day, a brand new nuclear family is launched. You are now outside that nucleus.  We did it to our parents. Our kids are now doing it to us. It’s okay to feel a little sense of loss.
  • But now…just 3 days out, is the time to turn your thoughts to the joy of this new union. You did a good job raising your baby, your boy, your son. He’s become a man you are proud of. He’s joining his life to a woman he loves. What could be better and richer in life than witnessing and being a part of that?

So, as the MOG and FOG, we are going to dance our asses off at this wedding. And we are thrilled to have our friends and family dancing theirs off with us.

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12 Hours in Paris: Get your French Fix here


Cover of "Chocolate and Zucchini: Daily A...

Cover via Amazon

It’s spring and a woman’s fancy turns to thoughts of Paris! Hopscotching through a couple of my favorite French blogs, Provence Post and  Haven in Paris, I came across a mention of Chocolate & Zucchini, one of my top French foodie blogs that I haven’t visited in a while.

And zut alors, I came upon a post on the ideal way to spend 12 Hours in Paris. What could be better than a day of exploring hidden corners of Montmartre, buying pastry or bread at Poilaine, eating a satisfying veggie stew at Bob’s Kitchen or spending an evening in the trendy Marais shopping, eating and drinking. Absolument rien! Sounds like 12 hours of heaven.

And while I was perusing the post, I noted that Clotilde Dusoulier is currently reading School of Essential Ingredients which sounds like a perfect book club pick for a chick lit food fiction month so I’m adding that to my list.

I may not be in Paris…but  with a few clicks I can escape with my blogeurs francaise.

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He’s just not that “pinterested” in you! The male/female divide in social media


My love / hate relationship with Pinterest

My love / hate relationship with Pinterest (Photo credit: madaise)

In case you missed my recent piece on Pinterest in Social Media Today, here it is. Last week, NBC News ran a piece confirming what I’ve found: Men are just not that “pinterested” in Pinterest! Enjoy.

Social media may be the new “it’ technology. But even in the digital age, we are dividing along the Mars/Venus axis. In the new virtual world, men are from Foursquare and women are from Facebook.  Pinterest, the latest, buzziest social site, could easily be sub-branded “Boys Keep Out.”

User data from my agency’s site revealed that men are hanging out on Foursquare at a 2:1 ratio compared to women.  On Facebook, women outnumber men by about the same ratio. Of course, Foursquare isn’t anywhere near as popular as Facebook but there are some interesting behavioral takeaways from this statistical observation.

Foursquare is a social media forum (Gowalla is another) where people check in whenever they physically visit a location. Visitors may comment but mostly they check in to establish their whereabouts. Many companies marketing on Foursquare offer tangible rewards for frequent drop-ins, whether it’s free drinks or other merchandise. But the biggest reward for men, apparently, is earning Foursquare’s “badges.” The ultimate prize is becoming “Mayor” of a location—an election of sorts for high frequency visitors that confers not just virtual status but implied power.

This plays to sexual stereotype. Foursquare rewards users with increased status by cultivating frequency without commitment. It’s a macho environment where men mark their territory like wolves in the wild or dogs at fire hydrants. For women, there’s a different animal instinct at play. Women may be reluctant to declare their real time location for safety concerns of stalking or robbery. Guys don’t appear to worry about this personal threat. They’re too busy earning badges.

At the other end of the social/sexual spectrum, Facebook offers a consensual community where the reinforcement for participation is in communicating with others who share your interests, friendships and activities. People don’t get rewarded for frequency on Facebook although marketers avidly promote contests and incentives to create more engaged consumers of their products.  The language of Facebook is all about “liking,” “sharing” and “friending,” terms most often associated with female communication styles. Or as Sally Field once said, “They like me. They really like me.” And the more likes, the better.

Just to be sure my findings weren’t uniqu, I did a little googling and found lots more Mars/Venus data and the more social media we add, the more the sexual divide chasms!

The Pew Internet folk who constantly monitor online behavior,  published a piece in the fall of 2010 showing exactly the same 2:1 ratio of men using location-based services like Foursquare.

More recently, there’s been more attention paid to the male/female fault lines across the latest in social media, including Twitter, which surprisingly (to me at least) breaks more heavily male perhaps because it’s another forum for being the first to assert you whereabouts and breaking news.

Mashable  reported in February: “As a general trend, women engage more on most social sites, including on Facebook and Twitter. Comscore says women are the majority of social networking users, and spend 30% more time on sites than men. Plus, mobile social network usage is 55% female, according to Nielsen.”

recent study of social media by Porter Novelli Communications in the UK also showed similar trends in Facebook and Foursquare to my anecdotal observations. They found:

45% of men who use social media check in to locations (like Foursqure) vs. 33 % of women

35% of men who use social media are Twitter users vs. 27% of women

In the same report, Forrester Research reported that women participate in social media to share information and engage in conversation. Men are more competitive and tend to watch videos, create content and dominate in posting their opinions online. No surprises there!

And what of the latest social media darlings: Google+ and Pinterest? As you might suspect, men are sorting their friends and acquaintances with greater alacrity on the former and women are sharing their favorite fashions and food on the latter. This comment from a recent TimeTechland article: “A quick perusal of the site (Pinterest) finds plenty of photos exemplifying beautiful design and fashion, which — though not solely the domain of women — certainly attracts its fair share of them. Visual.ly estimates that 83% of Pinterest’s users are female. …”

And over at Google+, the Techland article notes it is “the software engineer staring at a stark white screen. In fact, software engineers make up a serious portion of the social networking site’s users, second only to college students.”

Guys just aren’t that Pinterested in you and the things you pin!  They’d rather do cool dude things like classify their friends, family and acquaintances like a stamp collection. We all know that Google has the male DNA down cold as anyone who’s ever turned on the masculine phone boom of “Droiddddd” can attest!

A fun infographic I found  on Proust, a new social site that wants to help you know your friends better, further reinforces these male/female differences in online sharing.  Proust is clearly more focused on the “madeleine” crowd. And Klout, the new measure site that measures your online influence is clearly oriented to the alpha male user with its “my klout is bigger than yours” competitive sensibility.

And as infographics are now the latest online trend, here’s another from onlinemba  that shows sexual preferences across a spectrum of social media. No suprises here although Linked In use is about evenly split at 50/50 but the data is engagingly presented.

Of course, people don’t segregate by male & female everywhere online. Social media is not a complete recreation of your junior high prom experience!  But understanding where the boys are –and the girls aren’t–online reminds us that the virtual world is not that different from the real one.

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When do you abandon a book? A moral or literary dilemma.


Sweating my way through another insomniac night recently, I read an interesting Zite article on my iPad. “When do you abandon a book“ brings up a problem that I am finally

Oil on canvas portrait of Empress Catherine th...

Oil on canvas portrait of Empress Catherine the Great by Russian painter Fyodor Rokotov (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

old enough to deal with: admitting when  a book isn’t grabbing me and not feeling it’s my fault. For years, I’ve plowed through every book I started whether on paper or on cd. I’ve felt that I was somehow inadequate and a quitter to abandon a book that just didn’t capture my attention. That the fault lay with me and not with the author.

Maybe it’s all those years ago of schooling and being an “English Literature” major where you are required to read every  Shakespeare, Proust and Homer epic because you had to and not because you wanted to. The habit of plowing through books became ingrained in my literary psyche.

But I am older now, and if not wiser, I am certainly more aware of the limits of time and imagination. I don’t have the years left to read lousy books, or books that simply aren’t on a topic or in a style that excite me. I certainly can’t waste time on trashy novels (except on vacation  or an intercontinental flight when standards fly dissipate in high altitudes. So, I’m holding out against E. L. James’ erotic tale 50 Shades of Grey no matter the hype or heavy breathing.).

With this new confidence, I will knowingly check out several books on tape from the library at at time. If I haven’t been grabbed by the middle of the 2nd CD, then bye bye book.  In hard or soft cover, I will read up to page 100. By 101, a book is history if I’m not hooked. With a Kindle or iBook download, the 100 page limit still stands in giving a book a chance.

Books don’t need to be easy but they do need to be compelling. I just finished listening to 19 CDs of Catherine the Great. Told through diaries and journals of the period, I learned so much about Russian history in the time of the Czars and of Catherine’s extraordinary accomplishments, including bringing Enlightenment ideas to the Russian establishment and dealing with a reputed 19 lovers.

I belonged to a book club for years and one of my frustrations was reading blah novels just because it was the month’s pick. I looked forward to their summer hiatus where I could read (or listen to) any books of my own choosing like Verghese’s powerful Cutting for Stone and Ann Patchett‘s  latest novel State of Wonder.

I do suffer real regret at the end of great book where parting is such sweet sorrow. It’s equally hard to start a new book after losing a loved literary companion. Currently, I’m on the 2nd CD of The Forgotten Waltz and despite the author’s Booker Prize credentials, I’m thinking this story will soon be heading back to the library. The 2nd CD rule is infallible.

I’ve come to the point in my life that starting a book is like going on a blind date. You need to give a book a chance…but you know by the end of a grande coffee whether there’s a future there!  Is there an attraction, a magical frisson of interest, a scent of good things to come? If not, you move on. Life is too short to read dead end books or start dead end romances.

So, abandoning a book is no longer a moral question for me, a statement of personal failing. It’s a statement of belief that the right book is out there for me. I may have to kiss a few frogs, but when I find a keeper…I’ll keep driving just to keep listening. Which may be good for my literary life but costly at the pump!

Do you have book abandonment issues? Do share…

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Live long. Live happy. Eat Chocolate.


Chocolates

Chocolates (Photo credit: J. Paxon Reyes)

As my readers know, I am a diehard chocoholic. Or rather a die later chocoholic since it’s now shown that chocolate aids longevity, weight loss and mental health.

The latest research is summed up in this article “Ten health benefits of chocolate” from Huffington Post so I won’t repeat them here. But if you are now pumped to consume this gift of the gods, you might enjoy some of my previous posts on chocolate, including the series “Great Chocolates I have known and loved” as well as my post about my dismal failure at the Paleo Caveman Diet because real cavemen didn’t eat chocolate. And–ahem– they are extinct and I’m not.

So, eat (chocolate), drink (cocoa) and be merry. If it doesn’t make you live longer, weigh less or smile more, it’s still the best (legal) high money can buy.

Chocolate

Chocolate (Photo credit: EuroMagic)

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10 Signs Spring has arrived in S.F.


As our uncommonly cold & dry winter finally yields to days of rain, it’s easy to bemoan the dreary weekends we’ve faced recently.  But Spring is on the way and glorious days are ahead. How do I know?

This post was inspired by the glorious photographs  in my new fave blog : Hip Paris and the post on 10 Signs Spring has arrived in Paris.  The writer seeks the simplest whispers of a new season as Paris shakes off its wintry chill and damp. From flowers in the park to lingerers along the Seine, she sees the tendrils of a new season and celebrates.

And so shall I. Here are my 10 signs of Spring in San Francisco.

  1. I’m waking up with a stuffy nose again. Allergies are coming out of hibernation
  2. The daffodils have sprouted at Trader Joe, Safeway and Whole Foods. For $1.5o-$3.00, you can grab a bouquet of fronds that will gush open within days.
  3. Everyone is selling herb & veggie starter seedlings from farmer’s markets to pharmacies.
  4. We’re sick to death of wearing boots and lusting after sandals. Or, we’re recklessly buying boots on sale at Amazon, Zappos and all those other online purveyors (Myhabit, Ruelala etc) as they close out winter with great deals (or is that just me buying all the boots in sight!)
  5. We’re thinking about toenail polish and a pedi with our mani. (am I the only one whose tootsies have gone natively nude for the winter)
  6. We’re sitting & sipping at outdoor cafes at the slightest sunny provocation even if it’s still too chill.
  7. Strollers wandering with an cream cone  Bi Rite Creamery or Humphry Slocumbe arouse envy not pity.
  8. The trees are aglow in pinks and whites dazzling us with their annual renewal. The wildflowers are blossoming on our hills and ridges, inviting hikers back along the muddy trails (and making us sneeze- see #1)
  9. Farmers markets are ablaze with fresh seasonal vegetables. Good luck finding an acorn squash anywhere (if you do, please let me know where!)
  10. The kites, the runners, the strollers & the bench sitters  appear from nowhere like cucarachas  the minute the rain stops and the sun peeks through.
What are your signs of spring? 
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“Men are from Foursquare” post goes viral. Well, not quite!


Men are from Foursquare. Women are from Facebook.

A few weeks ago, I posted my take on the online battle of the sexes in social media. Today, a longer version of that post was published in Marketing Profs  Daily Fix as a guest post called “Men are from Foursquare. Women are from Facebook.”

So, I’m doing a little shameless self promotion today and please forgive me. While my original post got a goodly amount of visits compared to my typical traffic, the Marketing Profs post is national, reaching thousands more people. And it’s astonishing and gratifying how many people retweeted & forwarded that post and commented. Clearly, it struck a nerve. We may think that we are all highly evolved…in the online social media world, we still easily divide along the Mars/Venus axis

All I can say is vive la difference….  sexual behavior online is a writing topic with legs. So, just wait till I share my findings on Klout and Twitter. It’ll make Foursquare sound…well square!

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Ten signs you are getting old


Exercise! The Poor Man's Plastic Surgery!

Exercise! The Poor Man's Plastic Surgery! (Photo credit: duncan)

Aging boomer broads (you know who you are). We’re not going gently. But we are going!

Here are the top ten signs:

1. When a cop pulls you over, you can’t flirt your way out of a ticket.
2. Friends tell you that you look tired. And you’re not.
3. You think grab bars in the shower is a stylish addition.
4. You’re still reading a hard copy of the New York Times.
5.  You have issues at work…and the first thing you do is calculate how many more years you’ll have to work till retirement.
6. You’re either mad at everyone getting plastic surgery. Or you’re starting to think this is not such a bad idea.
7. You go to a dive bar to hear a garage band. But you’re still in bed by 11:30.
8. You don’t just pluck your eyebrows anymore. You trim them.
9. A guy compliments you and you don’t think he’s trying to get into your pants.
10. While you’ve still “got it,” it’s moving south.

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10 Food Blogs for Fantasy Chefs and Food Fetishists


If I were food, I'd want Helene Dujardin to take my pic!

Food porn is big business these days and the food blogger universe is growing by the minute. In fact, I just read that the famous “…For Dummies” series has  published Food Blogging for Dummies so that everyone can get into the act.

For me, these blogs are porn because I dream and drool over the gorgeous photos and recipes and writing. What I don’t do is cook them! I read and obsess about glorious gourmet dishes but never put pot to stove.
Am I alone in lusting about food?  Do you put yourself to bed at night devouring Bon Appetit  on your Flipboard or ravenously consuming  Food 52 and 101 Cookbook blog posts  the minute they are published?

Here are my top 10 food bloggers whose every souffle and roasted cauliflower medley  feeds my fantasy feast. As a Francophile, I’m also fetishistic about French food bloggers so, hopefully, there’s a few new bloggers you’ll discover below that you haven’t tasted yet but may love.

My Top Ten Food Blogs:

  • Chocolate&Zucchini  - my first food fetish site by a charming French jeune fille
  • La Gourmand Tartine – Gorgeous photos, food & writing and  an OMG new cookbook (and lots of gluten-free baking french style)
  • David Lebowitz - “Living the sweet life in Paris” – French desserts–need I say more?
  • Orangette – One of the first successful food bloggers who found true love & career through blogging
  • 101Cookbooks- If you’re gonna own a lot of cookbooks, you might as well write about them
  • Food52 – a sensational blog filled with real people’s real recipes– community-sourced blogging
  • SmittenKitchen – I want to eat everything on their site. I also actually dream about cooking some of her wonderful down to earth recipes like Lasagna Bolognese
  • LottieandDoof – Check out their burnt orange ice cream! words fail…
  • Tartelette – gorgeous photos..I dream of taking a workshop with Helene Dujardin. The most sensually lush food pix plus charming posts.

If you haven’t already clicked away to one of these blogs, I’d be surprised. I’m salivating just thinking and writing about these culinary curators. The only saving grace is that the time I spend reading and writing about food blogs is time I don’t spend stuffing my face. Trust me, that’s a good thing!


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Men are from Foursquare. Women are from Facebook.


Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
Image via Wikipedia

A funny thing happened on the way to evaluating our non-profit agency’s social media results. We discovered that just as in the real world, there’s Mars/Venus connection.

Where are the boys online? Well besides the obvious suspects (sports, games, porn) They are hanging out on Foursquare and other geo-location sites by a 2:1 ratio.  Meanwhile, on our Facebook page, women outnumber men by the same ratio.

Of course, Foursquare isn’t nearly as popular as Facebook but there are some interesting takeaways about lifelong male/female behavior that the Internet can’t change!

Foursquare is a location-based social media forum where people check in online whenever they physically visit a real location. They may comment or simply check in. Many companies marketing on Foursquare offer tangible rewards for frequency whether it’s free drinks or free merchandise. But the biggest reward, apparently, is earning Foursquare’s “badges” and ultimately becoming “Mayor” of a location—an election of sorts for high frequency visitors.

Facebook is an entirely different community where the reinforcement for participation is in communicating with others who share your interests, friendships and activities. People don’t get rewarded for being on Facebook although marketeers avidly promote contests and other incentives to create more engaged consumers.  Facebook is the amped up, 21st century version of the old telephone “party line” where people are encouraged to “share” with others.

Foursquare’s male thrust may be its reward system which offers increased status for frequency without requiring commitment. The concept’s a little more macho, akin to an animal marking his territory. Also, there may be a natural hesitance for women to declare their real time location for safety concerns of stalking or robbery. At least, that’s what the women we talk to say.  Guys don’t worry as much about the personal threat of revealing their whereabouts. Not to mention the stereotype that men are more competitive and Foursquare promotes competition by awarding badges and mayoraltyies to high frequency participants.

Facebook, on the other hand, rewards the reputedly feminine traits of “sharing” and communicating. Women respond to helpful videos, cute kids and cuter pets. The language Facebook chooses to describe its service has a decidedly female bent, don’t you think, e.g. “Fan”  or “like” me? (You really really like me as SallyField so famously gushed).

I did a little googling and found some interesting confirming data to what our internal statistics showed.  The Pew Internet research folk who constantly monitor online behavior,  published a piece in the fall of 2010 showing exactly the same 2:1 ratio of men using location-based services like Foursquare. And a writer for The Economist blogged in 2011 about “The Secret Sexism of Social Media” in which she noted: “At this year’s SXSW festival held in March in Austin, I ran into a social-media wonk from New York and asked him how he had been enjoying it. He said it was great: he had won five badges from Foursquare…. securing the mayorship of his hotel’s pool. It occurred to me that I have yet to hear a woman brag about getting a badge from Foursquare, and that I never will. In fact, come to think of it, I barely hear women mention such services at all.”

After a lifetime of fighting sexist stereotypes, I shouldn’t be surprised to see that the sexes still divide along the Mars & Venus axis.

There’s a lot of funny lines waiting to be penned about this finding. But I’ll leave it to you to write them. But for those of us who make a living in marketing, it’s helpful to know where the boys (and girls) are.

Logo for Foursquare

Image via Wikipedia

Česky: Logo Facebooku English: Facebook logo E...

Image via Wikipedia

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